Toddlerhood came in with a BANG. And by that I mean, it just smacked me in my face and I am still in shock. Mainly, it's really sleep regression (or whatever you want to call it).. and it is killing us! We had a good thing going.. from when the boys moved to their room (January of this year) they were 1 years old, they were sleeping pretty well and in their own bed. Sure, there were "off" nights.. where one (or really rarely both) would cry and end up on our bed.. but generally it was good. We had a "routine" - bath, play, milk, brush teeth, sometimes we read stories, cuddle, then off to bed they go. But a week or two weeks (can't quite remember, it was all a blur) before their 2nd birthday, Z decided he will scream bloody murder every time it's time to go to bed... this happened EVERY.NIGHT. for weeks (it really felt like a year) and I was SO DONE. It just hit me so hard that emotionally and physically I just could not cope. For the first time ever, I had to take time off work because I was just DONE. I also had to see a therapist/councelor because I could not cope anymore.. the phrase that best describes my feelings were "I AM DROWNING". As soon as we wake up in the morning, I would dread bedtime.. it came to a point where I couldn't even remember the good moments we had during the day (which I'm sure we had)..all I could think of was how HORRIBLE bedtime is and how I just did not know what to do. It didn't help that I also felt guilty that Z was taking so much of my time during bedtime that I felt like I was neglecting L (which now looking back, was not true. But I couldn't see that). I was hit by toddlerhood so hard... I didn't think I would survive. But after much soul-searching and grasping for help wherever I could find them... I finally realized I had neglected my soul.. That's when I started connecting with other moms, started to openly talk about my struggles and fears. I also re-connected with a mother's group in our church and started attending a weekly bible study and growth group and started reading my bible and doing my devotion more regularly. I neglected my soul and I think that's what ultimately got me. We're still in the midst of the "storm" (called toddlerhood) but I am beginning to see the beauty in the midst of the storm, I am finally able to see past the "difficult" moments.. I still have my "off" days and we still have our "struggling" moments.. but I'm honestly good.. because I know I have a God that has my back (and He loves my boys dearly too!).
Sharing with you two of the verses that has been my anchor these past few months. It has given me so much encouragement and I hope it can do the same for you!
Happy New Year! 2017 will be awesome (the snow is even here to welcome the new year!)