Ok, so it's been almost a month now since I have gone back to work part-time (how momma's who go back to work full-time do it, I have no idea! kudos to you all!). I think we are starting to get into the groove.. it is less intense and less crazy - still insanely exhausted, but that's to be expected! We are able to get our schedule organized such that we have one family day together and Daddy gets one day with the boys while I'm at work. Because of the nature of hubby's work, he cannot have weekends off, but he also has a bit more flexibility in terms of asking for days off so that he can be with the boys while I am at work. The other two days that I'm working, my boys are with my lovely momma - I am beyond thankful for my family for helping out with the boys.
Right now, I think I am working on making sure that we get to spend quality time as a family and one-on-one with M. And that doesn't necessarily mean we have to go out and have a busy day.. spending quality time with the family at home can happen too. I also want to make sure that I am off my phone when I am with the boys (with the exception of taking photos) - so no uploading or checking my instagram until the boys are taking a nap.. It's not that easy, especially when the boys are playing so well together and doesn't necessarily "need" me.. but I think being in the moment with them and watching little things that they do is so very precious and I don't want to take that for granted.. It's a work in progress.. I am not 100% there yet.. a nasty habit to break!
Let me know if there are any other working mommas out there and how are you guys coping?
My boys love touching their food and feeding themselves.. so I have to make sure that I have some finger-food for every meal so that they have something they can touch and eat. I still spoon-feed them since honestly, it's just way cleaner and easier clean up for me and less human-food that our little Koko gets to eat. And this is one of my favourite recipe that I found in the internet - I love that it is easy, healthy and I can freeze it and just pop it in the oven.
Recipe is in this link.
Even before the boys were born, I already knew I was going to go back to work after my 1 year maternity leave was over. We talked about it as a family and financially we knew it was something that I needed to do. Aside from that, I knew that I needed that time for myself where I can be away from the boys for a short period of time - so I can recharge and evaluate myself as a mother and wife. I knew it would be a difficult adjustment, from being na full time stay-at-home mom to working part-time. I knew it wouldn't be easy, but I never imagined I would feel this way. Today is my third day at work and by far the hardest (and to imagine there would be days that are harder scares me). And I think it is primarily because aside from the guilt of hearing your babies cry because they want you to hold them, but you can't because you have to get ready for work - I also have to deal with my own issues about feeling that I don't get the support that I think I need. And I'm saying it's my issue because other people's actions and words are beyond my control, and I can't pass them the burden of "making me feel better about myself" - somehow, I need to find that myself. I need to figure out on my own that despite being away from the boys, that does not make me a bad or inadequate mother. And I think, that is the most challenging part of this journey, to find that peace in myself, that I am doing the best that I can and I am enough. I am enough for my boys and my family, no matter what the circumstances or other people might make me feel.